A year in the making.

Apparently there is only 364 days left to live. So what am I going to be doing with my time? Nooo idea. Im a little skeptical with the whole THE WORLD IS ENDING. It seems a bit shabby, but who knows. The weather right now is showing something weird is going on. Its like 53 and raining. Its supposed to be 0 and like 3 feet of snow on the ground. I mean I am not complaining, but its still really weird. Working on applying for housing to Indiana State University, its gonna be expensive, but I NEED to do this.  The play is coming up in a month and a half, I have been practicing my lines! I just need to work more on my emotions.

Another One Bites The Dust

Another friendship bites the dust.. yep mine and Shayla's friendship...blehh down the drain. Oh well I suppose its been over for a while now,but it just stinks the way it went out. Yeah we are through,but whatever. I cant even talk about it. :(

Complete Change of Course

Decided to stay at Ivy Tech another semester. Its for the best. Re-applied to Ball State University for Musical Theater instead of Zoology. Its something I can see myself being really passionate for. I love to create characters and act. Its something I really see myself doing in the long run. I wanna perform and inspire people. Through my theater career I feel like I could really do that. It excites me thinking about this. Currently I have been working on my legs. Getting them back into shape so that I can dance and perform so much better. I think I have found one audition song, now I just need to find another. Then I need to find a monologue. Memorize it and just pray everything goes according to plan. I just need someone to tell me yes. One yes and my life will change. "If you stick with what you love, you will be laughing later." <--- heard that today and that's exactly what I want to do. I really want this so bad. Going to audition next month for Madison Community Players. The play is going to be a murder mystery play. Which is really cool. I need something more for my resume. (:

How things are

Lately I have been watching a lot of inspirational films...about homeless people and teenage pregnancy and it just made me think about my own life and what I should be doing with it. I have dreams, but am I really pushing those dreams to there fullest potential. What if BSU declines my acceptance. Then what? What will I be doing. I have no back up plan. I suppose you can say I am just one of those confused adolescents just out of high school. Ones without a care or responsibility. I have a lot of my plate. I am holding my family together.. barely. That's another thought on my mind. FAMILY. What exactly does that mean? If my mom died, I would have no family. I don't even know who my real father is. It's not like I would exactly care, but the not knowing does kill me a little inside. I wish I just knew. Curiosity killed the cat. Knowing would close a huge burden on my life. I wouldn't say I grew up horrible, I would say I grew up confused. Confused on why things were they way they are. It's crazy what some people do.

Confused

Thats the feeling for today. Confused. Incredibly confused. Lauren and I decided there is no point in going back to BSU. We both feel like there is nothing up there anymore. I still want to study up there, but not for the reasons I thought for. All I can say is shit happens.

Unwanted

Thats how I currently feel. unwanted. I have A friend, one thats it. I have "other" friends,but only one. I think I also feel alone. Alone in this vast world. All by myself. I'm just going to keep everything to myself from now on.  I miss everything from last summer. When Laura and I were best friends. I miss that so incredibly much. I miss being in show choir, just so I can tell Mr.Reckner all of my problems and he would somehow make me feel better. I miss that all. I like this new me, but just not my surroundings. I miss Ben too. But that whole thing will never change. I miss everyone. Dan and Keely are dating. Awesome :/. I wanna go to BSU, not to be with them now I am realizing. I wanna go to get away. To get away from everything here. To hopefully solve my problems. Who knows how life will go anymore.

Moving On.

Went to Ball State. Got Drunk. Stayed with Danlange. Extreme Fun. Applied to BSU. Waiting on the answer.Joining the Peace Corps.

Well.....

..what does it mean to be fat? To be clinically diganosed as "fat" or is it just the way you feel. In today's society isn't everyone fat? FAT FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

Here We Go Again.....

Just another typically day in the life of Elizabeth. Woke up, went to school, came home, and now I am here. I am beginning to learn a lot about things people call "Life" lately; it should not be taken for granted. If you want to do something...do it. Who cares what other thinks. If it is not possible, make it happen. Dont let anything hold you back. But yeah I am done ranting on about the same subject. I need something new in my life and I am trying to make that happen. I am beginning to do more spontaneous things and getting out more. Also going to try and update this blog as much as I can so I can become better at writing. Hopefully by the end of the semester I will be able to tell how my writing has improved. Maybe other exciting new things will have happened to me by then. I feel as though I have changed a lot since this time last year. I feel so much better about myself and I have really overcame my shyness. I guess what happened was I stopped giving a fuck what people thought about me. Becoming more outgoing and getting to know more people. I have also strayed away from all the homeschoolers, I mean I still hang out with them..but not as much. I guess Ben kinda ruined that one. BIG MISTAKE dating a homeschooler and your best friend. They have a lot of problems. A LOT OF PROBLEMS. You thought your life was complicated, become best friends with a homeschooler. Then you will think you are living the life, no joke. Thats besides the point. I have became good friends with a lot of college students. Like keely and Danlange. They are pretty awesome people. I have also been with Lauren a lot. Like 3 times a week. It has been awesome and I dont know why we never really hung out before. She is..amazing. Like... my best friend forever no matter what. But I say that a lot. Shes different and I like that. I can tell her anything and she can tell me anything. I love that.

Decisions

Im currently enrolled in Ivy Tech and to be frank I hate it so much. The reason is that I am not getting the full "college experience" and I am not studying what I truly want to study. I want to study Zoology at Ball State University. That has been my dream for a little over a year now. But all the shit that happened my senior year held me back from achieving that goal.  I let all the crap get to me, so I took the easy way out. I avoided filling out scholarships and applications and now I am paying the price. I want to get away and experience life on my own. I need to grow up. I need to do something for me. I am going to start a fund for next year. I know its forever away but if I put away $20 a week I could save up and have some sort of money. I am also filling out as many scholarships as I can. I have to grow up and do this. I know its a scary thought, but its time. I am slowly beginning to realize that. I have beginning to think about a lot lately. I need to get a move on in my life. I am not going to be young forever. This is my time to live.

Graduation

Welcome to a world where everyone talks about each other. 
Everyone lies. Everyone tries to be something they're not.
Nobody can keep a secret for their life & friendships that 
have lasted years are broken. Believe it or not, this world
actually exists. it goes by the name of high school.


And I think that maybe, we aren’t scared because the thought of failure, but the thought of leaving everything behind that has brought us to this point in our lives. Maybe the heart wrenching pain we feel in our minds and in our heats, the lump in our throats is the result of realizing that after 12 years, 2160 days, we finally have to let go. We have to let go of the people who we have grown up with and known our whole lives, the people who know us better than anyone will, the people who know us more than we know ourselves. The people who have been there with us from the beginning, and who have gone through every bump in the road along the way, right there together. This feeling is the end of the beginning; the end of everything we have known and grown accustomed to for so many years, and this means leaving everything familiar behind. Letting go of the past and saying hello to the rest of our lives. This feeling we have is called scared. Scared to death that nothing will ever be the same. That as soon as we walked off of that stage holding the rolled up piece of paper we had been dying to get for so long, everything changed. For all our lives, this year was what we had been looking forward to. Our whole lives had been preparation for this year, when we would graduate from being learning students to becoming alumni and experiencing ‘real life’. All these years we have been saying "I cannot wait until I get out of here" and now that the time is here, we have suddenly become statues, unwilling to leave behind this comfort zone that we have called home for so many years. This is the end of the beginning.


Growing up sucks, not all kisses are magic, not all guys live up to your expectations. But there are moments where romance, friendship, love, everything just falls in place and that makes growing up worth it.


Walking through the halls of high schools is quite similar to walking through a battle field... you are never quite sure what you will find lying around the bend... everyone seems to be thinner, taller, blonder, prettier, and tanner than you... they all seem to be having the time of their lives despite the educational setting... they all seem to have the most friends and the most people to say hello to walking through the halls. Well, life isn't what it seems. Most of those people just surround themselves with others because they are too deathly scared to be alone. They are so scared that they aren't really friends, they just pretend... because without those people they would be nothing. They hurt just like you do. They notice the imperfections in their own faces as well even though your eyes cannot see them. They notice how the girl next to them is taller and thinner... even though you don't. Maybe sometimes it's what you don't see that makes you more alike than you'll ever know.

I'll Remember the laughter as we go our seperate ways, but there's so much we're learning and we can not be afraid. There's a world outside our door and nothing in our way. But if it's not what we're both looking for we'll meet again someday

Lets End This

Well pretty much this has been crazy times lately..who knew this was how things would end up. Its all kinda sad actually. very sad. I suppose this is a sign to move on to bigger and better things. It will be hard..but I guess I am ready. I also miss you more than you can probably imagine. Its been almost 2 months and I am still hurting. I wish I was not so stupid. But thats life. People do stupid things out of anger all the time. Hopefully things will change next Sunday and you realize that maybe possibly you miss me too and we  can be friends? Maybe. We will find out soon I suppose. 
Heres to what tomorrow brings. 

Random Things.

If you say you care, then actually make the effort. Text me, call me, come to my locker, hangout with me. Don’t just sit there and tell you stupid little friends that it’s all my fault.

I make mistakes. I have regrets. I hate being alone. I`m always late. I hate school. I don`t like being wrong. I hate being ignored. I cry. I`m shy. I have enemies. I can`t sing. I laugh way too loud. I can`t look anyone in the eye. Many things just seem to get to me. I`m not perfect.

What has the US come too....

Pretty much the government shuts down in about 2 hours and 15 minutes. They just need to decide on a budget and sign it. The economy is in no shape to have a shut down. All of the federal funding is going to be stopped...which means the federal workers are put on "vacation" until its over and no more aide to the troops...The list goes on and on. Schools stop getting money too,but luckily the already have their money for the year. Lets just be mature government and reach a decision. 

You were right

Well what people have been telling me all along are so correct. We both just really need to grow up...I think I realized that. We are acting like we are in elementary school again..which is stupid. I am a senior in high school, I mean come on. I need to start acting more mature. 

Heres to the rest of my life

Well I might not post everyday,because im forgetful :3 but people are who people are and no one can change that. I am also finding out that many people are hypocrites, you are doing the "same thing" I did and you were complaining to me about it...Maybe, you should think about that next time you want to go and say something to me. Thats ok though you doing those things actually really make me laugh, so keep it up. It also helps me keep my mind of that other "problem." It is just weird to look back and see all the fun we had and now we pretty much hate each other because every little thing we do it pisses one of us off. Hey, its all good though. I am almost done with high school and I am ready to move onto something bigger :). 

Many people do not know this about me, but I love photography. Especially nature photography. I love capturing the moment with a picture. Thats why I take so many pictures. I like documenting life so I can look back. i am still learning the ways of the camera and editing pictures, I hope that someday one of my pictures would be published. These are just a few of my pictures. 

First Day

I suppose I decided to get this blog so I could vent and hope no one would care. Also so i would have something to look back on. Life lately has been getting harder and harder. People who I trusted with everything are turning their backs on me. I have one friend who I can trust and thats about it. But I am very fortunate to have her. Everyone has their moments of weakness and all we can do it pick up the pieces left behind and move on. Sometimes its easier to block out the people, who we very dearly want in our life, but its just best they arent. Thats currently what I am trying to do. Life gets hard, but it comes with rewards. You have to go through pain and suffering in order to have something amazing happen. I am also understanding that many people change, whether we like it or not, they do. People who are stupid do stupid things. But I am ok with everything that has happened, all of this has made me a stronger person mentally. This is all apart of the journey we call Life.